Whole-Bodied Listening

Most people think that we listen with our ears and probably our brains. But have you ever considered what really helps you deeply understand another person or a situation? What would it mean to be able to listen with your whole body – with all your senses, with complete attention, and with a burning desire to understand and connect? Now that would be some kinda listening.

It’s actually not that hard to listen well. What’s difficult is to STOP listening to all the things that distract us. How often have you walked into someone’s office at work to talk with them and they continue to glance at their emails or their phone while supposedly listening to you? Well that’s not the best way to listen. And given the level of 24/7 connectivity that most of us have – with our computers, TVs, smartphone, etc – it’s rare that we are not in a moment of distraction. Our attention is so often split while we constantly attempt to multi-task, that we erode our ability to fully and completely focus. Real, deep, profound listening requires our full attention and focus.

So how do you use your body to help you get into that fully attentive state?

One way is to practice mindful awareness, being fully present in the moment.

See how often you can be fully present to what you are doing, rather than splitting your attention among a few things. When you are showering in the morning, focus all your attention – mental, physical, and emotional – on that shower. Feel the water with your skin, listen to the sounds with your ears, and discover the emotions you feel when you focus fully on your experience.

If you drive to work, spend some time during each commute being fully present to driving – even if you typically navigate home on autopilot. Notice how your body feels in the car, how your hands feel on the wheel, what’s going on around you inside and outside the car, and what interesting sights and sounds you experience in each moment.

When someone is talking to you – and it’s someone important, like your spouse, your boss, or your child, give them your full-bodied attention. Turn and face them, let their words impact more than your eardrums, see if you can feel what they are sharing with you.

Neuroscience has discovered some amazing cells in the brain called mirror neurons. These neurons fire in our brain when we watch someone doing an activity. The same neurons that are firing in their brain will fire in ours, just by watching them. So if we simply pay full attention and notice how we feel when someone tells us about their experience, we can actually feel their experience. That’s empathy.

The reason empathy is such a powerful skill to develop is that it helps another person know that we understand them – deeply – beyond just the words they are sharing. We actually know how they feel because we can feel it. And when we share our understanding back to them, they feel deeply understood. You can’t get to that level of understanding just using your ears. It requires a full presence, full body, full attention kind of listening.

-- Ken Kesslin