Why Is Mindfulness So Challenging?

What's so hard about being fully present?

Given the tremendous benefits that we know come from mindfulness – that is, from focusing our full attention on what’s happening in the present moment – why is it so difficult for us to be fully present? Why do we seem to go from one distraction to another? Why do we make up stories about how we wish the world would be rather than simply be present to the reality of what’s actually happening?

Here are three critical things that keep us from being fully present…

1. SOCIAL & CULTURAL PRESSURE. We’re continually bombarded – through media, school, family & friends – with messages telling us that we're not good enough as we are. And when we believe that we're not ok, we're constantly looking outside ourselves and outside this moment for something that will "fix" us, make us better and more acceptable to others. We're continually trying to be someone other than who we are.

2. HABIT. We’ve gotten used to living in our mind - in our own "story" about the world - rather than in the actual reality of what’s occurring all around us in every moment. We’ve been doing this mental simulation game for so long that we don’t even realize we’re doing it anymore. We actually believe that the story we create in our head IS reality – when it’s not.

3. FEAR. Most of us are afraid of our own emotions - of having intense feelings either good or bad! We were never taught how to safely experience strong emotions. Instead we use any means available to avoid what we’re actually feeling. This is the basis for all addictions - whether it's a drug problem or workaholism.

And here are some antidotes…

To FEAR: Raise your EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE by learning to feel whatever you really feel. Feelings won’t kill you, although they may sting a bit. What really causes us to suffer is all the things we do to avoid our feelings.

To HABIT: PRACTICE some form of mindfulness or meditation. In order to move out of our mental habits we need to learn to control our attention, rather than be controlled by it. And that’s exactly what these practices help us do.

To SOCIAL PRESSURE: Create or join a COMMUNITY that supports the two antidotes above. We’re social beings and we respond strongly to the influence of those around us (even when we “think” we’re very independent and making our own choices). Think of how successful Weight Watchers has been – it’s primarily a community paying attention to losing weight and providing human support in the process. And, it’s been one of the most successful and widely used weight loss programs of all time.

There’s a lot that appears to prevent us from noticing reality – from being fully present in each moment. And there are things – like the antidotes above – that can help us reclaim our inherent ability to live fully in each and every moment.

-- Ken Kesslin